It feels bizarre to write in here again. Half of my plugins are outdated and the majority of the widgets on this site are now broken due to lack of site maintenance and use. But the good news is no one cares, not even me! I guess that’s one thing that I’m leaving behind with my 30’s – perfectionism. I’ve learned by now (for the most part) to let go of the things that don’t matter. And the aesthetics of a 12 year old blog that nobody reads definitely falls into that category.

Anyway, I turn 40 (!!!!) tomorrow, and I wanted to write about it. So here I am. Writing about it. I entered my last decade homeless and jobless, aka completely free and untethered, about to embark on a trip around the world. I’m about as tethered as they come now (kids will do that to you) and also very, very tired.

It’s been a decade. The past 10 years so much has changed, in my life, in the world. I don’t have the spoons to write about any of that in detail here. Anyone reading this born before the year 1995 likely understands the rapid changes the world has gone through – from politics to technology, to our cultural and social norms, literally every category in life you can think of looks completely different than it once did.

Things are weird. And they just seem to get weirder by the day. Time doesn’t even fully feel real anymore. Age is sort of starting to feel meaningless, yet simultaneously packed with meaning if I think about it too long. Is this a turning 40 thing? A general aging thing? A parent of young kids thing? A me thing? A late stage capitalism and the erosion of the perception of American Democracy thing? Who knows! But it’s how it feels.

Regardless of how things feel or don’t feel, I am now at the completion of my 30’s and I want to attempt to give this last decade the same level of respect as my 20’s. So here we go, the 5 most influential events of my 30’s.

1. The Trip

The trip that took Al and I around the world was absolutely a defining period of my 30’s. Do I really need to say much about it when this entire blog is dedicated to that trip? Probably not. The only new thing I really have to say about this trip is that while it was amazing for so many reasons, it’s taken on new forms of meaning as I’ve gotten older.

Now that I’m about to turn 40 and am regularly crushed by the weight of my responsibilities, I am so grateful we travelled like that when we could. We spent that time doing exactly what we were supposed to be doing (which is anything you want!!) if you are young and free with a bit of disposable income, no dependents, and all the energy. And also I fully recognize – very, very lucky and privileged.

I’m not sure if we’ll ever have the resources or time or energy to do that again, and so I deeply cherish the memories and feeling of the months we spent happily travelling around, doing whatever we wanted, experiencing different cultures and places, not worried about the next day, just focused on straight LIVIN. There was so much pure joy packed into those days on the road, and I know without a doubt, I’ll carry the memories and moments from that trip with me until the day I die.

2. Colorado

The trip also helped solidify the decision we were trying to make at the time which was “where should we live?” and that landed us here in Colorado, where we’ve now been for 9 years. Wild how fast it’s gone, but Colorado and the decision to live here has been an undeniably influential part of my 30’s.

I’ll be the first person to say to anyone that asks, that Colorado is not perfect. And as climate change grips our planet, it’s become hotter, drier, and smokier here each year. But, you’re not going to find any state or place that is free from the impacts of climate change. And no matter what, it’s home now. Like really home.

We’re here for the long haul. So many of the people we love live here (although I’d do nearly anything to recruit a few more of them). We’ve made a life here. We’re raising our kids here. I’m not interested in moving around to try and find something “better” – the roots have already taken hold. The 3% pandemic-era mortgage rate is locked in.

So, instead of thinking about where might be better, because surely there are better places, we try and think about how we can contribute to making this a place we love. To me, that means voting in every local election, attending local events, connecting with people in our community, donating to local businesses and efforts that align with my values, supporting our teachers and education system, participating when we can in all the little and big ways we want to make this a loving, supportive, and fun place for our kids to call home.

3. Finn

There is so much I could say about my kids and becoming a mom in my 30’s and all of the things that go with it. But, I have a hard time knowing how to talk about it all on a public site. Even one that no one reads or ever will read. I know I am no influencer, but it’s still the internet. And there’s just way too much stuff on the internet. I do share some obviously, but I always struggle with how much is too much?

So I’ll keep this one simple, even though it’s easily the most consequential part of my entire life. When I was 34, Finn came into the world as a bright, curious, thoughtful and deeply caring human. Along with his beautiful soul he brought new life and light and joy into our lives, made me a participant in this world in a way nothing else has or ever could, and I thank the stars every single day that he chose us to be his family.

4. Gus

And then at 36, came our Gussie, the most squeezable, lovable, hilarious, fiery little spark of love. He’s rainbows and lightening all wrapped up into one curly-headed adorable package, and expanded the limits of what we thought was possible.

Once the kids entered the picture in the middle of my 30’s, my life was forever split into “before” and “after.”

5. Therapy

Well, it had to make the list.

I’ve done therapy at various points in my life, but only as a reactive tool, usually to a specific event that needed processing. But after becoming a full time working mom of two, and being completely pushed beyond the edges of my capabilities in every sense, I knew something inside wasn’t right. So I started doing individual therapy once a week.

I know we’re supposed to do things for ourselves, but the reality is, I did this for my kids at first. I wanted them to grow up with a mom who could regulate herself (still working on that one) and be present most days and fully show up for them. That was the drive behind investing in finding a good, consistent therapist.

I didn’t expect how annoying and time consuming it would be to find the right fit – much less one I actually liked that also accepted my insurance. I think I interviewed 6 different therapists before I found the person I eventually landed on, but I was determined to not waste time and money and precious energy on the wrong fit.

Since then, she has helped me make sense of a lot of things in my internal world, in addition to helping uncover my ADHD diagnosis. All of it has been monumental, life changing really, in helping me to understand myself and what I need in order to better show up. It’s a constant work in progress and will be for the rest of my life, but I shudder to think where I’d be right now if I hadn’t made this effort to prioritize myself and my well-being in the second half of my 30’s.

So, that’s it. The end of a decade. I am forever grateful for my 30’s, and I guess at this rate, I will see you back here right before I turn 50.